WITH A HEAVY HEART
With a heavy heart I write this….
I read about one of our blue families losing their Hero, their husband, their daddy on Christmas Eve.
I can admit that I have imagined this scenario in my mind countless times. As a wife of a police officer you replay, you imagine and even try to prepare yourself mentally in advance for an incident like this, knowing this could easily be you. Even though you pray and wish for this to never happen, you find yourself preparing in advance. It is a horrible feeling, thought and I hate to admit it, but it can instantly become a reality.
As I held the hand of my Hero on Christmas Day, I realized that the widowed wife would never get to hold her Heroes warm hands nor the children will ever get to hug their strong daddy. My eyes began to fill with tears and my heart began to ache, that widowed wife could have easily been me. I stood there realizing how blessed I was to have my Hero by my side and was reminded that our days are not guaranteed. Even though I adore and respect Heroes’ job and see purpose in it, it will always be a thorn in my side. It is a bittersweet life being a blue wife.
Lord’s timing I live with the fact that at any time, any place the good Lord may call my Hero home. I pray that it won’t be soon, nor on the job, but Hero is secure and confident that when it is his time, it would be the perfect time. He has entrusted his life in the Lord’s hands. If my Hero can give his life to the Lord, I should be willing and accepting to what the Lord has planned for him. The Lord’s timing may not always be easy to understand, but I trust it is perfect. I trust that He will give me what I need to sustain. (He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11)
Surrendering If you haven’t surrendered your Heroes life to the Lord, do so. You can’t live a life of fear and agony over the fact that he may never come home. It is not an easy process, but it is necessary so you may have peace. It is the worst feeling to kiss your Hero goodbye and wait all day hoping and praying that he makes it home ok. That is a big burden to carry. Trust the Lord to keep him in the palm of His hand. (Though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. Psalm 37:24)
Faith and trust You have to put your faith and trust in God. Remember, your Hero is God’s creation, made in His image. He wants to protect him more than you know. Hero was God’s child first, before he was my husband. So why not let His Father care and lead him as He pleases. Surrendering your Hero doesn’t mean, “No worries, I don’t care about him.” It means being confident in the Lord’s plans for you, your family and as a married couple. Once you are at peace knowing and trusting the Lord with your Heroes life, you then soon realize that there is a freedom in leaving your Hero in the care taking of the Lord. True peace can only come from the Prince of Peace, the Mighty Counselor, the Almighty God. (Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you. Psalm 84:12)
Prayer You will find that surrendering your Heroes life will keep you on your knees in prayer. This may even become a repetitive prayer. Surrendering my Hero was one of the hardest things I had to do. I didn’t find it is easy crying out to the Lord that His will be done on Heroes life. Stay strong and fervent in prayer, the Lord hears you, loves you and always wants the best for you and your Hero. (“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. Psalm 91:14-15)
This is me, this is us, and this is our blue life.
- Crystal Ienni